Monday, March 9, 2009

The Perspective of our Pets

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary...

8:00 am - Dog food! Oh boy, my favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! Oh boy, my favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! Oh boy, my favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! Oh, boy, my favorite thing!

12:00 PM - Lunch! Oh boy, my favorite thing!

1:00 PM - Played in the yard! Oh boy, my favorite thing!

3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! Oh boy, my favorite thing!

5:00 PM - Milk bones! Oh boy, my favorite thing!

7:00 PM - Got to play ball! Oh boy, my favorite thing!

8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! Oh boy, my favorite thing!

11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! Oh boy, my favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary...

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for their actions perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit a hairball on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now................

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